1. When a Bong is deeply engrossed in a passionate discussion about football, frothing at the mouth about Zidane, Messi, Chelsea, EPL, La Liga etc. & has been speaking for the about 10 minutes, interrupt him abruptly with this– ‘Dhurrr Bokachoda, bhaant bokis na, janey na babar naam chul ketechey tere naam!

bokachoda


 

  1. Amongst your group of friends propose the idea of taking daily turns at paying the whole bill, instead of splitting every time. Plan with others and pick a day when your Bengali friend has had a big meal. Make an impromptu eating out plan, let him have coffee and pay the entire bill while others binge!

friends eating together


 

  1. If he’s confided in you about his growing affection for a girl, tell it to another common friend before he himself tells him as well. Plan it up with the common friend, ask him to speak random shit about the girl before our hero even brings up the subject, in the next adda. Watch his reaction!

angry salman


 

  1. Tell your bong friend the Lolita that he’s been eyeing for some time now is already taken. Once he’s properly crestfallen, announce that you’re cash empty or you would have taken him to drown his sorrow at a good old pub. This will lead to a party at your recently devastated mate’s expense. all of course on the expense of our lover boy. Next day tell him it was some other Lolita that you were speaking about!!

crying man


 

  1. The day he bunks school/college, call up his home and (since he was absent) ask his mother to pass him an important information regarding assignments/exams/viva that was announced in the institute that day! Next day when he confronts you at the campus, forge ignorance – ‘tui na baara sotti, amakey boltey partish, ami ki korey janbo tui bunk marbi?’!

angry man


 

  1. Plan a chance encounter when he’s out with his girl and ask him to return the money he’s borrowed from you!

shy bear


 

  1. This is a double whammy – With a friend, visit the home of a Bengali female classmate at 10 in the night to borrow/return assignments. When her father opens the door and goes berserk on you two  ‘Tomader kono kando-gyan nei? Eta kono time holo karur baritey ashar?”, cut him abruptly and say ‘Kaku, ekey khisti din, amakey dhuktey din’!! Of course, turn around and run, don’t look back…..even when you hear your friend’s cries!!

protective father


 

  1. Next time when you hear two bongs having a go at each other with the choicest of explicits, interrupt them with this ‘Shon, eto baara baara koris na baara, eta bhodro loker paara baara’!!

angry baba


 

  1. Out of nowhere, in the middle of a long silent period of lull, just turn towards your Bengali friend and say ‘tor baba ke kintu ekkebare keblachoda marka dekhtey’!

lallu


 

  1. Keep asking your Bengali friend for what he wants for his birthday from 2 months prior. After he tells you the ideal gift, someday don’t turn up for the evening adda. Ask a common friend to tell him you’ve gone to buy his birthday gift. Build the anticipation, let him throw a nice party, then gift him a Gold Flake king size packet! Ask him to share amongst you all as well!


 

  1. When Durga Puja comes, tell your Bengali friend to plan Nabami night with you and plan a binge drinking session at China Town. On Nabami night, just when it’s time to go meet him, call and say this – BHAI, MY GIRLFRIEND IS HERE WITH A BOTTLE OF Johny Walker AND THOUGH SADLY, I WILL HAVE TO CANCEL! And end with this – BHAI, BHUJTEI TO PARCHIS, BONDHU GELE BONDHU PAWA JAYE, GIRLFRIEND GELE… Now keep quiet and enjoy the lovely barrage of SOURER BACHCHA, MC, BC etc.

crying boy


 

  1. When a seat empties in a bus or train & a Bengali standing next to it is about to take it, tackle her/him & usurp the seat. Don’t make eye contact as s/he stares at you, after some time s/he’ll calm down & start looking away. She/He would still keep an eye out for you, expecting you to leave & give her/him the seat. After some time, rise slightly as if you’re leaving, then pull out your handkerchief and sit down, do stare at him now when you noisily blow your nose.

suresh prabhu in train

Have better ideas to annoy a Bengali? Let us know!

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Kannu Singh

Staff Writer & Pep Talk Missile at BONGFeed
Kannu Singh is our true Bong missile. He is a complete Bong whose intense observations of Bengali life are either hilarious or deep. He is 6 feet tall, built like the Jatt he is. He is our source of endless energy and passion. His favorite pep talk - Kichu korbi na boshe boshe dant kelabi?

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