Bengalis love complaining. Even about those things that they like or love. Even when they are happy and satiated. We just love articulating our disdain and complaints at the drop of a dhuti!
So here are a few of a Bongs most common complaints –
UFFFFFFFF KI GOROM/THANDA/MEGHLA/BRISHTI
[UFFFFFFF IT’S TOO HOT/COLD/CLOUDY/RAINY]
The summer is TOO HOT, TOO SUNNY, INSUFFERABLY HUMID & INTOLERABLY SWEATY. Sounds like the expectation is of one day having a cool breezy summer! The monsoon is of course TOO WET and TOO MUCH KAADA (mud on the street!). The autumn is always spent complaining about the sudden mini showers around the corner. The winter is of course TOO CHILLY, TOO TOUGH TO TAKE A BATH IN THE MORNING. And the lovely spring is sure as daylight spent complaining about the Westerlies that make the dry dust fly into the Bong bedroom (CLOSE THE WINDOWS DAMMIT!). These weather updates are of course the easiest ice breakers when two Bongs meet!
DESHTAR AR KISSU HOLONA
[THE COUNTRY’S GOING TO THE DOGS]
The most common complaint on the lips of the stereotypical white punjabi clad Bhodrolok while sipping his morning cup of tea and peeking at the headlines of an early morning newspaper. Don’t try guessing at the cause for this sudden concern – it’s just a general complaint to the wall or the passing mosquito or the maid or maybe to the wind around him, that signifies that the world in general has not lived up to the Bong gent’s high standards!
EKTU GHUMOTEO DEYNA
[DOESN’T EVEN LET ME SLEEP A BIT!]
This complain can come from your Bong mum in the afternoon if someone rings the doorbell and disturbs her siesta, your Bong dad if the newspaper guy chucks in the paper-roll 5 minutes before the agreed hour and minute, your Bong grandparent during almost any time of the day. Most iterations of this dialogue are of course aimed at the music loving or movie buff or guitar playing Bong dude or dudette who creates any sound higher than 50 decibels within a Bong premises.
AGEKAR DINER MOTO ETA EKDOMI NOY
[THIS IS SHIT COMPARED TO THE DAYS OF YORE]
Bongs are a nostalgic lot and nostalgia is one of the first complex English words we learn when growing up in Bong households. But we do take this worship of yore to a mild extreme – nothing of the present is ever remotely as good as how it was in the past. The food tasted better then, the people were more polite and genteel then, girls were so much more beautiful then, life was easier then, music was Godly then, the arts were practiced with more finesse then and even the chappal was more comfortable then.
KI AGUN DAAM !!
[BLOODY FIERY PRICES]
The Bong has never been a great appreciator of the devil called INFLATION. Forever wry of rising prices, we Bongs have made sure that price rises are strictly tamed in our backyards. Even a single rupiya rise in bus fares is not to be tolerated without a fervent show of anger via 2 bus burnings, 3 MICHILS (processions of like minded Bongs) and a ton of cursing the powers that be. The most closely watched price index is of course the FISH and VEGETABLES at the local market – charge 5 rupiya more for the same fish the next day and sure as the rush hour traffic on Dharmtala, the Bong Bhodrolok will turn Abhodro (uncouth) in a moment!
[HE TRIES TO ACT TOO SMART]
This to a person of logic or who makes sense in any conversation. You dare oppose a Bong’s point of view – may the lord smite you down with righteous anger. Or if not that then at least a snide comment about how the person making all the sense is just a big show off and will one day face retribution for mocking a good ‘ol Bong.
AAJKALKAR CHELEGULO/ MEYEGULO NAA…
[THE BOYS & GIRLS OF TODAY…]
KI JAM RE BABA
[THE TRAFFIC JAMS]
Geoff Boycott once said that he expected all the traffic of Calcutta to come to a sudden halt on day because of the congestion on our streets. The Bong, even if he/she has grown up amidst all the traffic & honking will at least complain once every time the vehicle stops at a red light.
WHAT OTHER COMPLAINTS HAVE YOU HEARD FROM BONGS?
LET US KNOW!!
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